I have come to a very important decision in my life, one that I can only attribute to six important people: S. Lyon Woolverton, my ex-husband Charles, my beloved daughter Katrina, my darling friend Robin Buchman, my wise and doting mother Sandy; Lady Mary, Queen of Mothers and more importantly...
Christ Himself.
The Lord has been speaking to me for many, many, many years...and I have listened, if not yielded, to what He had to say. I listened, but did not act, except in the most dire of straights...and I certainly refrained from returning to the faith of my youth.
It was a series of unfortunate, yet fortunate, events that brought about this post and ones that quite honestly would take pages and pages and pages to write about. It involves friendships, death, personal discovery and whole lot of quiet time in various churches from here to Garibaldi, Oregon. This journey has taken me from the cathedral halls of my youth, to the forested woodlands of my later years, to the very pit of Hell itself, and finally into the light of Redemption. You see, no one ever said it would be easy learning to believe, and I know that now.
S. Lyon Woolverton, this post is mostly dedicated to you. Something you said to me after you endured a barrage of questions and comments regarding faith really hit the very core of the issue I was having with returning to my Catholic roots and made me address that issue. I had wanted so desperately to believe in Christ as I had when I was a child: without reserve, without hesitation, and without question. The problem is that as we grow and mature it is the very nature of mankind to question the world around him...for the better understanding of ourselves and the Divine. I had forgotten this. You reminded me by saying, "Remember...God invites us to ask questions. He wants us to challenge Him...it makes us stronger believers when we have our questions answered."
To my ex-husband, Charles...all I can really say is that I learned what it takes to be a true and faithful spouse without reservation...what it is to reach out to those you never thought would help you, and most importantly, how to beg for forgiveness even if everyone else cries for revenge. I learned humility...how to turn the other cheek, to judge not lest I be judged, and the values and traits I am seeking in a life partner.
To my darling, darling girl Katrina, I learned that the innocence of youth is often times the best conduit of Truth. When I asked you, my baby, who Christ was...without ever having given you a lesson or exposing you to Him, you pointed to the chalk heart I drew for you on a poster board and said Jesus was the heart. It is now marked on the poster in our kitchen. And who am I to deny a child?
To my dear friend Robin...your assistance with my daughter and aiding me to correct the damage that had been done speaks not only of your willingness to reach out and help those who suffer, but your understanding of God, Christ, the Holy Spirit and our place in the universe was very much an eye opener. Your church, St. Christopher's, is like a welcome beacon of light...and Father Anthony, with his passionate and deeply felt homilees awaken in me a sense of Spirit I had previously only known in my childhood paster, Father Greg. Your family, so warm, inviting and non-judgemental also showed me that there are true followers out there.I am very glad that you have agreed to become Katrina's Godmother when she is christened this spring.
Lady Mary, Queen of Mothers, who reminded me during my prayers that I am a mother myself.
And finally, my earthly mother Sandy. That greatest of all earthly women. She who knows sacrifice and bears that burden like a Cross despite her want for rest. Surrendering her family for four months to care for my child while I went to A School. And even as a Wiccan refused to let me continue down a path she knew was not true to MY heart, and yet never judged me for that choice. Instead she urged me to go home, even when I stubbornly said no, but continued to be patient until I found my own way. Her support, as well as that of the family, is one of the most precious of gifts she could have bestowed upon me, besides my life. I am truly blessed and honored to have been raised by a woman who taught me not to swim with the school, but to fight the current and find my own path.
There were specific events that brought about this turn. Deaths, such as that of Coast Guard Airman Charles Krause in August of 2007 and Navy Chief Ryan K. Bell in January of 2008, births, changes in thinking and lifestyles, reaching out to help those who stumbled on the path themselves. Epiphanies while in church with Robin. Remembering the promises of love. And if God is Love, then that is where and what I want to be. Heck, even a motion picture...which exalts the true meaning of sacrifice.
It's 3 a.m. and I am beginning to mistype somethings, so without further adieu:
the comic that was 23 years in the making.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I am going Home.
(And I don't mean that in any sort of drastic personal demise sort of way.)
http://www.geocities.com/colorful.image/answer.html
Have a very, very Merry Christmas.
Remember: it really IS through Him that all things are possible!
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