So today, I tried to take Katrina out kite-flying.
When I was younger, this is was a particularly favorite passtime of mine. I really enjoyed seeing how high I could make the kite go and one time even got mine above some decent cloud cover!
We went gallavanting down to Snug Harbor, a museum/garden here on Staten Island, with many wide open spaces perfect for flying a kite on a lazy, warm, breezy day.
When we arrived, I found that the Polish Festival was in full swing! All the Kosher hot dogs you could eat!
And I've never heard "I'm So Excited" sung in Polish before. O.o That was interesting.
Anytahooms, we get there and of course, the string to the kite has already half unravelled. While trying to put it back on the spool, an older lady comes sauntering up and asks if I bought and put the kite together myself.
This kite is the smaller of two hanging on my daughter's wall, both of which used to belong to me. So yes, they were mine and I had painstakingly put them together back when I was 13 and 14 years of age.
Now I don't mind idle conversation. But I was tyring to watch Katrina and rewind the kite's line while preparing the kite for launch. The woman, however, hinders this process by picking up the kite, turning it this way and that, and going over in great detail about how I failed to put it together correctly.
Her: "This rod should not be bent like this." (TWEAK, PULL, RIP) "Oops. Let me try this."
Me: "Uh, excuse me, ma'am, but the reason that rod is bent like that is because it's been hanging on my daughter's wall for the better part of a year."
Her: "Oh, well, that's not true. You put it together wrong is all. And this line should go through here..." (PULL, THREAD, TWEAK, POP) "Uh, no, that's not right..."
Me: "Uh, ma'am..."
Her: "Oh, well, this will never fly. You've got it strung up the wrong way..."
Me: "Ma'am..."
Her: "See these holes? It'll never fly unless you do this..." (RIP)
At that point I stomped my foot and rolled my eyes to let her know how exasperated I was.
Her, dropping the kite in frustration: "Oh, well, I'm just telling you...it's not going to work...you've got it all wrong."
Me, watching her walk off in equal frustration: "Thanks."
During all this, Katrina had locked target on two life-sized costumed Sesame Street characters, Elmo and the Cookie Monster, milling about a crowd of small children. Of course she was over there in an instant, throwing herself into what appeared to be a painful headbutt to the groin of Elmo, who both doubled-over in what appeared to be shock and to mock-hug her, and Kitty's interest in kite flying was lost.
My Darling Child: "Mommy, I want to play in the bouncy castle!"
Me, untangling the ever-unspooling kite string: "No, honey, we're not here for the festival. We're here to fly your kite, remember?"
My Patience-Trying Child: "No! I want to playyyyeeee....!"
Me: "No Katrina...let's fly your kite."
My Slightly-Annoying Child, disinterested in the tangled web I have woven: "Mommy, I want ice cream."
Me, growing ever exasperated: "In a minute...let's fix the kite and fly it."
Finally, after some ingenuity, patience and a constant string of "No, Katrina", "Come on, Katrina", "Come here, Katrina" later, I finally managed to get the string untangled, wound back on the spool, and we moved away from the festival to a quiet, wide-open field.
Me: "Ok, Katrina! Let's get 'er airborne!" [takes off running with kite in tote]
My Abnoxiously Loud Child: "MOMMMMEEEEEE NO! ***I*** WANT TO DO IT!!!"
Me, skidding to a halt: "Let me see if I can get it up first!"
[run run run....fap! fwap! twap! thwap!]
No dice.
Me: "Ok, Katrina, come here."
[Insert Katrina huffing and puffing across a field here.]
Me, handing her the spool: "Ok. Hold it tight and stand right here."
My Sweet, Somewhat Obedient Child with a gleeful smile: "Ok!"
[Insert me walking away here. Turn around to find Kitty following close behind.]
Me: "No, Kat! Stay there!"
My Obviously Disobedient Child with a gleeful smile: "Ok!"
[Repeat process here.]
So I finally managed to get a good distance away from her after repeated attempts, and tried to chuck the kite into the sky. Of course, Kat took off running with each throw, which didn't help, but caused the kite to crash repeatedly and skitter along the grassy knolls.
I even tried running with it again. Turns out where we were standing the Children's Museum and thick trees off to our left was blocking a strong enough breeze from catching the kite and carrying it aloft. So after about an hour of hearing fap! thwap! whap! bouncing along behind me, I quit. Kat and I went home and had ice cream.
With fudge swirl in it.
*sigh* Just my luck.
And the moral of the story is: unsolicited advice is my BIGGEST pet peeve. Unless I need obvious help, leave me alone.
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